New meaning to soft serve. SORRY.
I just thought y’all needed to be reminded of this.
Also, you can get this image on a t-shirt, just click through the photo to the site. It’s even ON SALE!
Now you’ll never have to forget this factoid and you can make people feel awkward at the same time. Awesome.
I’m sick today with a cold/flu thing and my phone took a swim in the bath I was taking to myself feel better earlier. So it’s been a rough day for me and this shirt just makes it better.
So I hit the publish button on my phone too soon. SORRY.
This is a view of the Juniors game from the weekend bout I attended (I played in the adult game for Rez City that night). Aren’t they adorable? Maybe if I had done a close up, you could see that, eh? Well, too bad, I was in the restaurant and it was the only picture I got to take that whole night because I was too busy looking for food or warming up/playing/driving, etc.
Anyways, Juniors are the future of the Roller Derby sport. I am looking forward to how this will change the course of the sport in the upcoming years. I’m already 34 years old, I started this 2 years ago and I will never ever be anywhere close to what these young ladies of 13-16 will be by the time they are 18. It’s humbling.
My daughter, Sprog1, joined the juniors in my league this year, she seems very excited about it but at times I worry for her being in it. I play the game, I know how hard the practices can be and I know how much it sucks to end up injured or hurting from roller derby. As a mom, I don’t want my kid to experience disappointment and pain (even though it builds character, yadee-yadee-ya-da). However, the player side of me knows just how kick ass she will become and what an even more amazing character building she will receive from being in a supportive team environment. It’s all a whammy of emotions for me really.
Anyways, here’s to the future of roller derby and the roles my daughter and myself will play in it.
So people on Facebook are attempting to turn it into Pinterest or something annoying like that. Every day all these yummy looking recipes show up in my dashboard and make me instantly hate the friend who posted them DON’T YOU KNOW I’M ON A DIET YOU BITCHES . Anyways, I “liked” this one because it seemed like something I should try out. It was cookies made without flour. I was all “Huh, really?” So I went in search of chick peas because that was the revolutionary ingredient being used in it.
I’m going to turn all this into yummy goodness.
Pretty much you take a 1 1/4 c of chickpeas, 2 tsp of vanilla, 1/2 cup + 2 tbsp. peanut butter (I’m sure they were stating organic pb but I went with what I had – No Name; only the best for my kids uh-huh), 1/4 c of honey, 1 tsp of baking powder, and 1/2 c chocolate chips. Leaving the chocolate chips out you place it all into a food processer and blend the shit out of it so it ends up smooth like this:
Well, so far so good.
Then you add the chocolate chips and you are suppose to form balls with it and place on to a cookie sheet. I choose to use a spoon and dropped them on to the cookie sheet because like hell I was getting my hands dirty. The mixture seemed kind of slimy to me.
You wanted chocolate chips? I gave you chocolate chips!
I placed them in my pre-heated 350 degree oven because I’m super efficient that way and watched them bake for like 15 minutes or so. I also taste tested the batter because there’s no eggs (like that’s ever stopped me) and I wanted to see what the difference is between chickpea batter and actual cookie dough… there’s a difference, it’s more “smooth” tasting. Yeah, I don’t know what that means either but it was smooth I tell ya!
Chillin’ like villians.
They came out a little on the brown side because I left them in there longer than I intended. They also smoked my kitchen out for some strange reason… but after running around opening windows, doors and turning on fans to keep it from activating my smoke alarm I realized I had fixed that problem from the last time I baked by placing plastic wrap over the smoke alarm. Don’t do that by the way, it’s completely irresponsible.
I only did it because I have a back up smoke detector further down the hallway that is not attached to my home alarm system. It’s wired into the breaker box and doesn’t get set off by the smallest, hint-est amount of smoke when I’m cooking, it does go off if you leave the bathroom door open during a shower though. Anyways, I’m getting tired of explaining to the house alarm dispatcher that all I’m doing is baking and not burning the house down. They always find it amusing and I wonder if they note “burning muffins… again” in their system.
Where was I? Right flourless cookies.
They look pretty normal next to my weak ass tea.
They tasted pretty good right out of the oven and now they just need to pass the kid test*.
I recommend this super easy recipe as an alternate to the typical flour and eggs one and I’m guessing it’s a more healthy version? I have no idea but it’s delicious.
*The Sprogs announced they were delicious and being the smart parent I am I didn’t tell them what the cookies were made of. Which means they can’t tell the difference between them and your typical run of the mill cookies made with flour. WIN.
Started with this “surprise” breakfast in bed from the Sprogs. I was so happy it was edible. I have great kids. I opened their homemade gifts and was pleasantly surprised by the lack of macaroni and impressed with their artistic abilities.
I then went to lunch with my mom and the Sprogs in tow. It was yummy. Afterwards we went bedding plant shopping where mom and I decided to buy each other bedding plants for Mother’s day. Which seems counter productive but it made her happy. She also got a bouquet of flowers and a Keg card to take her gf out for dinner. Needless to say I sent my mom home with the biggest smile ever today.
Then I went to a baby shower to celebrate the second born of a friend. We shared birthing stories and had an indepth conversation about society and breastfeeding. We probably scared the girl who hasn’t had a baby yet but that’s usually how it goes. I didn’t bother holding the baby because, even though my two survived, my fear is I’ll drop a baby and crack its head open. So I try to avoid doing anything, like holding a baby, that could facilitate that happening. I’m the mom that will take care of your kids when they’re in the “why” and tantrum ages because I can handle that shit with alcohol patience.
It was a good day.
While waiting in line for the cable cars at San Fran I happened to look down and saw this delightful chalk drawing.
I didn’t dance because I was tired, and my feet hurt from the day of walking I had just done, but it made me smile to think about a whole group of people dropping it like its hot randomly.
So remember to take time out in your day to dance either figuratively or for real. Inject some fun in there somewhere and enjoy the moment. Sometimes life just needs a bit of frivolity.
And not a single fuck was given that month.
KIDDING.
I really don’t remember what I did last month, I spent a lot of it drunk. It was good times you should have been there.
I went to an away scrimmage in Saskatchewan to help bump up my derby bout experience points, Level Up! Then Mr J whisked me away to San Francisco for his birthday and to be all romantical, score a Life Heart. So I haven’t been around to take note of my doings in a public way such as this blog. I even neglected my Twitter and of course the Instragram and the Tumblr and sometimes the Facebook, never mind the real life friends and family I have. Being social? Who has time for that? Not me.
Without further ado, my wrap up:
Fit wise I have plateaued but I did measure my body fat one day and it was calculated at 24%. Four years ago (the last time I had it calculated) I had 28%. Some people would think, “yeah, that’s a good difference because you’re being so fit, Jude.”, and normally I would agree but for one little niggling fact. Four years ago I weighed 136 pounds. Yep I did, I was a size 6 with little boobs and everything. 136 pounds with 28% body fat, someone do the math for me but that’s like 38 pounds or so of fat hanging out on my body. Now I weigh about 164 pounds and it’s still about 39 pounds of fat hanging out on my body. WTF? The percentages actually don’t mean jack about body fat. This can only mean that I have gained something like 27 pounds of muscle… I really don’t know what I’m talking about. Phhft. So let’s forget all that bullshit about what the scale says and percentages and focus on actual tangible results. Next paragraph.
Like how I scored not one but 2 power jams in a recent bout and gained lead jammer status 3 times. In the past I gained lead jammer twice but in two different games. Spaced a month apart. This was in ONE game. In the past I would get that lead jammer status and then pull a Canuck move and bail on scoring points (yeah I said it, what you gonna do about it, Canuck Fan?). This time I did an awesome power jam where I gathered 10-15 points; I can’t remember how many passes I got because holy shit it’s hard to score points as jammer. I’m just happy to make it through to the end of the jam still upright – the only easy thing about being the jammer is you don’t have to think strategy, you just think about survival. Oh and let’s not forget the jams where even if I wasn’t lead jam I still got through enough to score points for the team. That hardly ever happens. I’m usually the unhappy goated jammer. That’s how crappy I was. But now that has all changed, I’m IN SHAPE. I CAN DO THIS PHYSICALLY DEMANDING POSITION and still breathe at the end of it all and then dance the night away while chugging beers playing flip cup. <— That last sentence might be why I can't make the last of my jiggle-flub go away. Epiphany.
Other than derby wise, my fitness shows in other areas, like running through airports to catch flights without losing breathe and having to stop for a break. Lifting heavy stuff at home and hearing Mr J go "WTF girl. You strong.” <— I'm paraphrasing this btw but the sentiment is right.
Yeah I work out.
Organizing, financing, selling possessions and writing are at a steady pace. Everything is good. I need to cull some old toys, bills are up to date, I'm saving my crappy stuff up for a garage sale this summer (the buy and sell sites are getting to be too much work to keep up on, I want it all done in one day tyvm) and writing, other than this past week and a half is going alright, it's no Shakespeare but whatever, I've been busy living life and one day maybe I can sit down and really write about it.
That's about it in a nut shell.
It looks like the weather is starting to co-operate here in little ol’ Central Alberta. The last few days have been sunny and even over the 10 degree mark. I heard we may even hit +17! That is going to be SO SWELL.
That means most of the snow if not all of it should be out of my yard meaning 2 things:
1- We’ll be able to get an air conditioner installed so we can be COLD IN THE SUMMER WHEN IT’S WANTED.
2- I get to go out and start digging around the yard and getting it ready for beautiful things like flowers and garden gnomes.
I might even finish painting my back fence. The possibilities this warm weather brings is countless and involves a lot of hard work…
Maybe the snow wasn’t so bad after all.
Your Monday Music Video.
Psy- Gentleman
This video is reportedly banned in N. Korea for Psy kicking the pylon at the beginning. That crazy anarchist.
In any case, if you’re having a blah Monday this will bring some cheer in your life, and dance moves white people can copy.
Doesn’t she look like she could just spit at you? What numpty approved this design?
The oldest pulled me over to this horrible rendition of Tinkerbelle while saying, “You won’t believe what they did to her!”
You just know there is an angry little kid out there waiting for an angry little doll to identify with.
Somebody get her some pixie dust stat!
I’m not a crazy cat lady. I don’t take an insane amount of photos of the cat, although Mr. J would disagree with on that sentiment. I will take them if the cat happens to be in the same room as me and is being cute. It’s not a serious issue. Really.
So it snowed again last week. You should totally follow me for the slow ass forecasts I bring you because why not? The kids were outside playing in the dogloo which magically turned into a real igloo because of the weekend blizzard that buzzed through here. It was great. The reason I mention this is because, ignore my awesome cat for a second, and look at that background – it really did happen. I think Mother Nature has her months mixed up. April is the time where this snow business should be all gone. I want to be out in my yard so I can start bitchin’ about that on here instead.
You know what’s a sad sight? Canadian Geese sitting on ice in a pond. They didn’t even have anything to build a nest with and so they just sat on the ice like it was all okay with them to be fucked over like that. Canadian Geese go to the Caribbean in the winter. I know this because I went there once and ALL THE GEESE were there. This was an actual conversation to the tour guide.
American Tourist (I know this because they said they were from Georgia): What are those?
Canadian Tourist: Canadian Geese, they must migrate here for the winter.
American Tourist (to the tour guide): What are they called down here then?
Tour Guide: Canadian Geese. They poop all over the place.
There you go. Even on vacation Canadian Geese are kind of dicks. Just like they are at home.
And to make it fair, the Canadians were all baffled why the Esso’s down there were called Exxon. The moral of this story? We’re all a bunch of idiots outside of our own countries. You remember that the next time you’re off globe trotting.
Have a great Thursday!
“When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, “Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.”
~Fred Rogers
